Miasma & Mediocrity
Microsoft Mystery Solved!
We go around bad-mouthing Microsoft, thinking and saying and writing all sorts of terrible things about the curse from Redmond, even while Gates et al. extort more money from our pockets into theirs. Doesn't that sound a little familiar, when you think about it? Is it not very, very likely that Microsoft is a creation (are you ready for this) of the International Petroleum Conspiracy to divert hateful attention from the oil companies' many sins? Consider: When did Microsoft really get going? Right after the massive Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska. And where else could such a nothing little company as Microsoft in the 1980s have gotten the capitalization funds for such massive, rapid expansion except from the world's oil companies, well-known for their mountains of ready cash? What we need now is some new, neo-Woodward/Bernstein investigative reporting team to unearth the paperwork behind this conspiracy. Such horrifying details they will turn up. Like, for example, that myth about Bill Gates being a Harvard dropout? Nonsense. Truth probably is, he's got a B.S. in geology from Colorado School of Mines and was hired by (you guessed it) Exxon fresh out of school. Most likely, it was while he was trekking around the Middle East taking seismic readings that he dreamed up what we now call Microsoft. And we're always hearing about how much Microsoft stock Gates has. That's nothing. How much Texaco stock do you think he has stashed away in Switzerland as his pay-off for this little deception? And just hod DID Gates become not just the richest man in America, or the richest man in the world, but THE RICHEST MAN IN WORLD HISTORY??? Well, just imagine the performance-bonus clauses in the original agreement between Microsoft and Big Oil. For every front-page headline in the New York Times, Mr. Gates gets, oh, maybe another million shares of Aramco. For every antitrust suit filed against Microsoft, another 10 million shares of Mobil. Matt Drudge, are you listening? The amazing thing is: it worked. When was the last time you heard anyone complaining about Big Oil? Quite a while, yes? And when was the last time YOU complained about Microsoft? Five minutes ago, right? Q. E. D. And if you REALLY want to feed your paranoia,
try this: If the scapegoat ploy worked once, why not again? If the anti-trust heat gets
intense enough for Microsoft, what's to stop THEM from spinning off a NEW scapegoat
mega-corporation? Think about THAT. |