| Thinkers
Anonymous
by The Staff of Magellan's Log
This publication is pleased to announce the formation of Thinkers Anonymous, a nationwide support-group for all persons who have, like many of our own staff, fallen into the habit of not believing everything they read in their newspapers and see on their televisions. We have at last come to realize that, in this perilous time when our very free-market, capitalist way-of-life teeters on the brink of disaster, there is NO PLACE for doubters, skeptics, askers-of-questions, and other trouble-makers who try to think for themselves. Below you will find the free-of-charge membership card in TA. All properly non-thinking citizens are urged to print, sign, and carry a copy with them at all times as a reminder to themselves of the importance of not asking any more questions. Weekly meetings for back-sliding TA members will be forming soon in your community. Check in frequently for updates and locations at: www.ifkarlrovegeorgebushdickcheneyandtomdelaysayitissothenitisso.com
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Magellan's Log Copyright ©
2004 Texas Chapbook Press
www.texaschapbookpress.com
I, the undersigned, having seen firsthand the
dangers to society (as our forefathers intended it and as Antonin Scalia and Clarence
Thomas wish it to be) of too much thinking, hereby promise to STOP THINKING now and
forevermore and be content to let my elected representatives, TV programming executives,
Hollywood admini-
strators, Detroit designers, Steve Jobs or Bill Gates (as the case may be), the staff of
the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and above all my president and my preacher do ALL
MY THINKING FOR ME. I further renounce the reading of all books (except
you-know-which-one) written before 2000, especially those containing words of more than
two syllables. I also vow to keep at least 10 (ten) copies of Mel Gibson's mas-
terpiece, The Passion of the Christ, in my vehicle at all times to distribute free of
charge to any thinking persons I have the misfortune to encounter in my daily rounds.
Finally, as atonement for my many past, thoughtful analyses of social, political, reli-
gious, and cultural problems, I will construct a dartboard bearing a picture of either
Voltaire or Oscar Wilde and promise to use it daily. Any bystander who perceives me to be
thinking should report me at once to the Department of Homeland Security.