Ed. Note: Ms. Shay, our token Republican and proud
resident of George W. Bush's former hometown, agreed to write for us only with the
stipulation that no editorial hands touch her words. Thus we publish this, her latest
column (see bottom of page for complete list), exactly as it came in over our email
transom.
Never one to cower from a challenge (some of the old-timers around Midland still tell fond stories of how George W. stiff-upper-lipped it when there was a run-off his senior year for head cheerleader), our boy George is now showing his real American metal by getting his illustrious, enviable, role-model family members out on the campaign trail with him. If there’s one thing that’ll carry him to victory it’s letting America see and bask in the wondrous family warmth that the entire Bush clan exudes like sweat on a prairie dog crossing I-20 at noon. Of course the whole world has long known and admired Bush père (pardon my Fr---h), and there’s not a woman of a certain age within 200 miles of the Ector County courthouse who come Sunday doesn’t don a Barbara-Bush look-alike non-curve-hugging calf-length blue one-piece outfit accented by a simple string of Texas-size pearls. And we of the slightly younger set have just about worn out the 500 miles of Interstate between Midland and the Neiman-Marcus mother store in Dallas so we could also keep up with Laura’s simple yet svelte array of American-flag blue dresses and tailored suits. What’s really got our patriotic, family-values hearts going pitty-pat is the way Young George has taken The Twins out on the campaign trail with him. Oh, sure. Even out here amidst the drilling rigs and prickly pear we’ve heard all the terrible, demeaning rumors about Jenna and Barbara Jr. Isn’t that stuff just what you expect from the left-leaning, anti-Fox-News humanists that their father, in addition to his endless work re The War on Terror, has to day and night strive to protect us from? What unimaginative people they are, too, if the worst they can come up with is that one of The Twins was caught underage drinking at a so-called "leather bar" in Austin? What’s wrong with that? Even I, your trusty correspondent re all things West Texan, still have tucked away in the back of my closet a leather mini-skirt from my "wild" days as a student at Sul Ross State University back in the 70s that doesn’t cover much more than poor Eve’s little leaf did way back when! And so what, if the girls take a nip or two out on the town. Can you imagine the pressure they’re under, never a moment to themselves, always living in the fishbowl glare of publicity with those black-suited Secret Service guys lurking on the fringes just to keep them safe from the likes of rabid Hillary-Clinton admirers, watchers of the PBS News Hour, and other such out-of-control media freaks and nerds, geeks, and close-minded liberals? No, in these daunting days of the Janet Jacksons, Halle Berries, Courtney Loves, and Whoopi Goldbergs, this country NEEDS you, Twins! We need to see you up there beside you father, lending him your pure All-American Girl smiling support as he fights to continue to shoulder the burden of making the world safe for America. Keep up the good work, Twins! Remember: It’s all in the family! END
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128 pages of the best satire
from 6 years of Magellan's Log. Well beyond chortles, Is It
Empire Yet? verges on the downright hilarious. "Swiftian," says
one reader. "Rib-splitting," says another. "Brilliantly, uproariously
offensive to all right-thinking Republicans," says yet another. 128 pp. Paperback.
8.5" x 11". ISBN 0-9767821-3-8. $21.95:
Midland, TX—. Let me tell you, we Permian Basinians are busting our
buttons about the ’04 campaign and the way our former head cheerleader at what is now
known as Permian Basin High ("Drill ‘em down, drill ‘em down, harder,
harder!") is comporting himself as he goes for another four years of leading
the free (and of course) Christian world in the on-going War Against Terror.
Magellan's Log Copyright ©
2003 Texas Chapbook Press
www.texaschapbookpress.com