| Silver
Linings for America
Ed. Note: Ms. Shay, our token Republican and proud
resident of George W. Bush's former hometown, agreed to write for us only with the
stipulation that no editorial hands touch her words. Thus we publish this, her latest
column (see bottom of page for complete list), exactly as it came in over our email
transom.
For example: We West Texans are not what you would call a superstitious lot, but if bad things do come in three’s, we can only hope that from now until the November re-election of Our Boy, we’ve got the Bad Three Disasters out of the way. 1. First came those horrible, horrible photographs from Hava Grab Prison or whatever it's called, which though any right-thinking person could see were the result of a few sick, sick minds that had nothing to do with the president and his fellow leadership-level patriots, still you just knew how our enemies at home and abroad would play them up into some really big deal. Along with the respected senator from Oklahoma whose name escapes me, I too was more outraged by the "outrage" here at home than by the pictures. I mean, I wonder just how many of those fair-weather, do-gooder Americans who claimed to be so appalled by the photos would deport themselves the way they were taught to in Sunday School if they found themselves plopped down in that hell-hole of an oil-rich desert country that we’re trying so hard to turn into a real Democracy but were met day and night by truly insane natives who see us as INVADERS!!! Put some of those screechy leftwingers over there and let’s just see how long it is before they’re coming up with peccadilloes and perversities way, way beyond those innocent little poses in the photos that our good Christian boys and girls probably learned from perfectly innocent games of Twister and the like during Vacation Bible School. 2. Then, as disaster number two, came the first distressing news that the president, taking a much-needed break from war management for a few days in the little paradise of his ranch outside Crawford, had fallen off his mountain bike. Though those of us in the know re Texas geography knew that the nearest mountains to Crawford are a good 600 miles to the west, still the early incomplete reports of the accident set us truly on the edge of dread, thinking, "What next???" Fortunately, the trusty Fox News people quickly filled us in on the actual damage details and West Texas breathed a huge sigh of relief as we understood that, as with the initial reports of 9-11 when it seemed possible that 30,000 people might’ve died but it turned out only 3,000 did, and as with the initial reports of the near-tragic pretzel-eating incident, the bicycle incident was not nearly as serious as we had first feared. Still, those were a few bad moments until we found out what had actually happened. That was number two and we Permian Basinites in Midland, Odessa, and Big Spring, knew from long experience disaster-wise that a Big Bad Number Three had to be on its way. 3. Sure enough, before long here came reports that the greatest president of the 20th century was declining rapidly, then Nancy telling a reporter, "This is it," and then the awful news… There hasn’t been a dry eye in Midland since. As you can imagine, everybody along Interstate 20, from Abilene to Van Horn and all points in between from Big Spring to Sweetwater, has been glued to their television sets, soaking up the encomiums, obsequiums, and other massive and flowery tributes to our great fallen hero. To give you some idea of just how near and dear to our West Texas hearts Ronald Reagan was—and is!!!—you will be happy to hear that one of the Midland TV stations—UHF to be sure, but still—has been showing Bedtime for Bonzo continuously since the news broke and has promised to continue the showing uninterrupted by commercial breaks except once an hour for 17 minutes until the conclusion of the services at the National Cathedral on Friday. So we’ve had our three national disasters, and way out here we are for now giving less thought to keeping the price of crude above $40 and more to hoping and praying it’s silver-lining time. To wit: Maybe the Hava Grab pictures will help us realize we MUST clean up the filth and smut from our own airways and other media here at home. Ask yourself, what kind of culture is it that would allow such photographs to be published where all and sundry can see them? And where do you think our armed forces boys and girls got such ideas if not from the Internet and that hot bed of filth and depravity called Hollywood? And maybe the president’s mis-riding of his mountain bike will remind us how fragile all our lives are and that we are all in the hands of a Power greater than ourselves and in the long run are a lot better off for His infinite wisdom. But best of all, maybe the loss of one great president will aid in the re-election of another one as the sometimes finicky American voters one more time get to see themselves reflected in Nancy’s unblinking, adorative gaze as she watches her man—and our much-missed leader—laid finally to rest. END
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--Midland, TX. It wasn’t for nothing that my senior class at Permian Basin
High voted me Most Likely to Think Positive!
Magellan's Log Copyright ©
2003 Texas Chapbook Press
www.texaschapbookpress.com