Possible Jan., 2005, Headline.

FLASH! Repub Braintrust
Memo Intercepted!

The following memo appeared last week in the email box of our Washington correspondent. Obviously, we have been unable to verify its authenticity but feel compelled to pass it on to whatever small percentage of the American public is still trying to think intelligently about issues and candidates.

Wyoming Cowboys for Bush/Cheney 2004
P. O. Box 3261
Jackson Hole, WY 83001

The Hon. Karl Rove
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. Rove,

It behooves us to inform you that a local ad hoc group has formed to enable Wyoming to lead the tidal wave of Red States for Bush/Cheney in 2004.

Following the adjournment of the Rotary Club meeting at the Jackson Hole Burger King Thursday last, everybody stayed and by unanimous consent the assembled group voted to become the Wyoming Cowboys for Bush/Cheney 2004.

After ordering a fresh round of Whoppers, we got down to business right away and opened the floor to brainstorming for ideas to be sure the Bush/Cheney campaign gets off to a good start with plenty of old-fashioned patriotic populist momentum.

I am pleased to inform you that, after much discussion, some heated enough to cause more than one Colt revolver to appear on the pristine plastic surfaces of the Burger King easy-mop tables, we came up with a Master Plan.

In fact, it is basically one very simple proposal that, we feel, if you see your way to it, could write finis to the whole distasteful Democrat platform and campaign even before those nefarious guys get started.

I mean, we already know what kinds of ideas that bunch of sore losers is going to be pushing: universal health insurance, affirmative action, homosexual marriages, legalized marijuana, government-subsidized crack houses, gay-porn-based sex-education in the public schools, expanded support for the United Nations, abiding by the so-called rules of international law and all those treaties this country signed during decades of Democrat mis-rule, etc., etc.

You understand, we’re not real worried at this point because we know from the last campaign what a masterful hand you apply in responding to such scurrilous tactics. Still, we came up with such a humdinger of an idea that we wanted to let you know right away.

Like I said, it’s real simple. It works like this:

In his acceptance speech at the convention in New York City, in the very shadow of the World Trade Center and Wall Street, President George W. Bush announces, with all humility, that if the good citizens of this country see fit to re-elect him and give him really big majorities in both houses of congress, that his first act after his re-inauguration will be to introduce a bill that will, once passed and signed by him, INSTANTLY ABOLISH ALL CONSUMER DEBT!!!!

With one stroke of the presidential pen, suddenly every faithful consumer in American will have his or her faith in the capitalist system restored and will be able to start over with a blank slate, credit-wise!

Think what that will do for production, marketing, and retail facilities in this country! Think of the HUGE pent-up demand for new stuff that will suddenly be released! Suddenly EVERYBODY will be able to buy ALL THOSE CONSUMER ITEMS they’ve been wanting so badly but couldn’t buy because all their credit cards were maxed out!

We’ll see a manufacturing and sales boom like never before in human history!

Granted, there may be a few problems, some minor howls of protest from overseas, from all those hoity-toity European (and Japanese) banks that’ve bought all that American paper and are holding it as they gleefully watch the interest pile up. Yep, they’re gonna squeal, but so what?

You and President Bush and the Republican Congress have already demonstrated to the world in his first term that there’s no reason for this country to abide by treaties signed in the Democrat past. So why should we any longer abide by the rules of international debt and banking? I mean, what’re those squealers gonna do? Are the little Gnomes of Zurich gonna INVADE us?

Think about it. What can they do? Zilch.

Jeez (pardon my language), but what better way to get back at those unpatriotic S.O.B.s in France and Germany than to suddenly render their trillion or so dollars worth of American paper absolutely WORTHLESS!

Who’re they gonna complain to? The U.N.? The so-called World Court? And if they do complain, who, pray tell, is going to enforce any judgments that might result? Who’s gonna risk having to face suddenly 180,000 high-tech American troops charging down the Champs Elysée or the Berlin autobahn or wherever?

Nobody, that’s who.

But those little problems are really beside the point, aren’t they? We know that Secretary Rumsfeld can make short work of any cry-babies who try to cause trouble.

The main point is: The instant the president announces his paradigm-shifting proposal at the convention, at that moment you are going to have THE HAPPIEST ELECTORATE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! What American citizen in his or her right mind, overburdened as they all are with debt, will NOT vote for Bush/Cheney?

The answer to that, of course, is: just about nobody. And what you’ll see come November, 2004, is re-election of the Republican ticket with an unprecedented majority. If you think about it, 98%? 99% is not out of the question. Which of course also means four years of completely barrier-free opportunity for the Bush/Cheney team to remake this country the way God intended it. And there won’t be enough Democrats left in congress to pay any attention to whatsoever.

Please feel free to get in touch with us at the above address if you need any help working out details of the plan.

With best wishes for you and yours,

Hubbard ("Hub") Dimmit, President
Wyoming Cowboys for Bush/Cheney 2004