Ora Shay's
Sure-fire
But. I do know Midland, and I know the kind of parenting that goes on here, and I know the kind of children that kind of parenting produces. Which means for all practical purposes I know our brave President, and which also means I know what kind of people he would pick to help him run things. What gets my goat no end, and why I'm so disgusted, is all this childish sniping that goes on day in and day out in what passes for the media these days. I swan. If you're watching TV in the 21st century, you tune away from Fox News at your own risk. There's no telling what kind of pagan pablum is going to assault your American ears on any other channel. I mean it's no surprise when a Frenchman writes a whole book arguing that President Bush and his best and brightest advisers knew about the 9-11 attacks before they happened. What do you expect from a so-called nation that gave the world Coco Chanel and her ilk who wouldn't know a full-figured West Texas doyenne if she saw one? But what about these people who apparently are card-carrying citizens of the United States (at least I assume so because they speak good English with no accent whatever) who get up in front of the TV cameras and cast endless free-thinking doubts and aspersions on the domestic and international plans and actions of the administration? How, I ask you plain and simple, is that different from treason, my fellow Americans? Didn't we all learn in high school civics class that treason means giving aid and comfort to our enemies? Miss Purvis at Permian Basin High certainly brought that lesson home to me and no two ways about it. But I turn on a non-Fox channel, or I happen to tune in to NPR (now there's a hotbed of free thinkers for you), or I pick up a New York Times (which for some reason every 7-Eleven in Midland insists on carrying a stack of every day, put out in full uncensored view of every child who walks in for a grape Slurpee or Diet Sprite Big Gulp), and lo and behold there are all these big mouths spouting off about how all the President wants to do is to make America and the world safe for rich people. Well, I can tell you, as a not-quite-rich person, that is a pile of horse you-know-what. What built Midland into the thriving metropolis that it is is the same thing that built Des Moines and Detroit and Denver into the thriving metropolises that they are, and that is pure-dee old American get-up-and-go unfettered by a bunch of socialist know-it-all free-thinkers trying to say you can do this but you can't do that and when you're finished doing we're gonna take back 75% of your net profits and distribute it among the ones who are too lazy to have any get-up-and-go. As I say, I don't know George W. Bush personally (though of course I know people who know people who know him, and I did go to high school with the third cousin twice removed of a girl whom he dated in his sophomore year), but I know Midland, and as a Midland product I know what he's thinking and that is to bring to distant shores and the benighted inhabitants of distant shores the advantages and opportunities of what my highly successful oilman husband Deb likes to call "the freest market in the history of this troubled old planet." Ulterior motives, like those weirdo journalists are talking about all the time? No way. People in Midland don't have ulterior motives. They wouldn't know an ulterior motive if it bit them on the rear end if you'll pardon my French. Midlanders tell you what they want and they tell you straight out what they're going to do to get it, and then they go and do just what they told you they were going to do. If you want to avoid headaches from now on when you're watching the news or reading the newspaper, just keep that in mind. Listen to the President's words and just believe every dadgum word he says, and you'll find your life is a whole lot simpler, happier, and in the Lord's good time if you've got the spunk to get out there and work, richer.
Ora's Other
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128 pages of the best satire
from 6 years of Magellan's Log. Well beyond chortles, Is It
Empire Yet? verges on the downright hilarious. "Swiftian," says
one reader. "Rib-splitting," says another. "Brilliantly, uproariously
offensive to all right-thinking Republicans," says yet another. 128 pp. Paperback.
8.5" x 11". ISBN 0-9767821-3-8. $21.95:
Midland, TX. I'm plumb disgusted.
Now, understand, your correspondent is just a simple ol' girl from the middle of the West
Texas desert whose husband happened to hit it big drilling in a couple of sand dunes that
nobody else thought were worth spit which has enabled me to on occasion rub shoulders with
the rich and mighty of the Lone Star State. Don't think because of that that I'm on
first-name terms with any of the team of the best and the brightest that Midland's own
George W. Bush has assembled around him to straighten out this messed up old world,
because I'm not.
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2002 Texas Chapbook Press
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