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Tasteless Jokes 60
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman: "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over
there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow,
this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're
planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're
going to kill 40 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big boobs".
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See? I told you no one
would give a shit about 40 million Iraqis!"
A few days ago I was
having some work done at my local garage. A
blonde came in and asked the mechanic for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and scratched our heads.
"A seven-hundred-ten," replied the mechanic .
Finally another customer asked the blonde ,
"Excuse me, could you please tell me what a
seven-hundred-ten is?"
She earnestly replied, "You know, the
little piece in the middle of the engine! I have lost
mine and I'm sure my car needs it, please get me a new one."
When asked what function this part performed she replied that she didn't know, but that the piece had always been there and it must be very important, could they please get her a new one. By this time the blonde was becoming frantic.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and
asked her to draw a picture of the
missing piece . She drew a circle and in the middle
of it wrote 710. At this point, the mechanics, as
well as the other customers that had gathered around,
were very confused.
So the mechanic took the blonde over to another car which
had the hood up and asked " Is there a 710 on
this car?" The blonde, with an exasperated look on
her face replied, " Well, duh, of course there
is , its right there."
Bumper Stickers for Women (Starter Collection)
Behind every successful woman is herself.
Oh my God, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry!
A woman is like a teabag...
you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice
on how to combine marriage and a career.
Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
True-life Stories from the Wacky World of Medicine
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began
to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in
the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of
a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to
the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now left. "Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I
was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me,
his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?"
I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now
I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for
about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
If you had bought 1,000 dollars worth of Nortel stock
one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
If you had bought 1,000 dollars worth of Enron stock, you would now have $16.50 of the
original $1,000.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had bought 1,000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank
all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you would have $214.00.
The moral?
Drink heavily and recycle.
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