Have you noticed how bland the pronouncements in fortune cookies have become? No more pseudo-Zen statements ("The mud elephant wading through the sea leaves no tracks"). No more hilarious and completely incomprehensible reshapings of English grammar, syntax, and vocabulary ("You pituitary often absconds fast secondly"). Instead, nowadays we get things like "The sun will rise tomorrow," or "George W. Bush really is as stupid as he seems."

As a public service to diners in Chinese restaurants everywhere, we have created a series of fortune cookie insert which, we feel, are more in tune with the vibrant, happening 21st century. We cast these out now, free of charge, into the public domain. Any fortune cookie factory anywhere is free to use them at will (reload the page to see a different message):

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