| LEADER |
FAVORITE TOY |
INTERPRETATION |
George
W. Bush |
|
1. It was Pappy's nickname for him ("Hey, Yo-yo, get
that thumb out of your mouth.!")
2. Its endless, cyclical motion was strangely soothing to a mind lacking in thought. |
| Karl Rove |
|
This very rare mechanical toy, made in Munich ca. 1930,
consists of a wind-up robot that walks about jerkily while it spins the globe in a wholly
mindless fashion. Rove's Bavarian au pair reported that little Karl spent hours every day
winding and watching, winding and watching, till one day the mechanism broke and collapsed
in pieces and that little Karl was never in his right mind after that and insisted on
watching Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb over and
over. |
Condoleezza
Rice |
  
|
Clearly the choices of a brilliant if conflicted child, Ms.
Rice's toys reveal the usual race and gender problems that one finds in Republicans of
Color (see Clarence Thomas, below): the yearning for simple domesticity, the desire for
white haute couture, and the wish-fulfillment of the "big bat" (whose symbolism
we surely don't need to go into at this late date). |
| Ari Fleischer |
|
Truly an awesome example of "as the twig is
bent..." The young Ari somehow knew that when he grew up he would become famous and
be paid a lot of money to stand in front of journalists from all over the world and tell
lies day after day without once noticing that his nose was getting longer and longer. |
Donald
Rumsfeld |
 
|
No comment. |
| John Ashcroft |
|
Our panel of experts confessed themselves baffled by this odd
collection. One finally suggested, "Maybe we need a new diagnosis: Quadri-polar
Disorder." |
| Clarence Thomas |
|
No comment. |
| Antonin Scalia |
 
|
Justice Scalia's Neopolitan nanny reports that his favorite
story was "The Little Engine That Could," and that he was always running around
the yard saying "Zoom! Zoom!" and that he was a lot cuter at age four than he is
now. |
| Laura Bush |
|
Mrs. Bush's nanny, who now occupies a plush 15th-floor condo
next to one of the larger casinos in Biloxi, says they could hardly keep little Laura in
Crayolas (her favorite color was of course red) because it was so important to her to stay
inside the lines and if she made a mistake she'd throw the whole box away and have a
hissy-fit until she got a new, fresh box. |
| Katherine Harris |
|
Her nanny: "Miss Katherine just loved to play dress-up
which nobody much minded till one day she came after me with her daddy's riding crops and
wearing her mommy's best high heels, shouting, "Down on your knees, you lesser being,
and worship your Virgin White Goddess!" |
James
Baker |
|
His nanny: "Course, his family don't care to talk about
it now, but that Mr. James just loved to play dress-up, which nobody much minded till one
day he came to me with his daddy's riding crops and wearing his mama's best high heels and
asked if I'd whup him good and proper and tell him I was his Black Virgin Goddess." |
| Tom DeLay |
|
The DeLay family house- keeper: "That Tom was some young
'un. Couldn't keep that boy outta the toilet. He'd have to do Number Two and next thing
you know he'd be down in it smearing it everywhere and laughing to beat the band. Don't
know how many strappings his daddy give him but all you have to do is watch him up there
in the Capitol and see that his daddy stopped too soon." |
