MEMO

The White House
July 15, 2002

From: Karl Rove
To: The President

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
DESTROY AFTER READING

Milord,

Last night I was sitting out in the Rose Garden, as I am wont to do when the affairs of state weigh especially heavy on me us you, when I smelled smoke. Of course my first thought was, "Terrorist attack!" and I almost called Tom Ridgeway? Ridgefield? Ridgely? (why can I never remember that guy's name?) so we could get you safely tucked away in Shreveport again, but then I noticed that one of the rose bushes a few feet away was actually smoldering. Before I could do a thing, it burst into flames!

I was scrambling for my cell phone when a voice spoke from inside the burning rose bush! It was a voice like, well, like Charleton Heston and I of course quickly calmed down. The voice said, "Karl, my faithful servant in whom I am well pleased, I have a little surprise for you. Close your eyes, Karl, my favorite among all my many devout Republican devotees."

I of course closed my eyes at once. I heard a clap of thunder, then nothing. After a few seconds I opened my eyes. The little rose bush was only a crisp of its former self. In front of it on the ground I saw two stone tablets glowing with their own mysterious inner light. Strangely unafraid, I went over to examine them and my heart swelled with pride and happiness as I read the glowing letters incised therein.

I touched the tablets gingerly. They were cool so I carried them into my office, placed them on my desk, took out my digital camera and photographed them. I then put them in my safe (you can imagine what the hypocritical liberal-livered humanists of this country would do if they found out that You-know-who has been in DIRECT contact with us!).

Attached is a copy of the photo I took, printed in a size suitable for folding up and putting in your wallet. As your most trusted advisor, milord, I ask that you do just that, knowing that the little piece of paper will serve as an ever-present reminder that, no matter how much the bad guys revile thee you and call you names, You-know-who is ON OUR SIDE FOR ALL ETERNITY.