Africa Calling Editor's Note: We figured Nfubi was depressed by Katherine Harris's decision to pass on Dubya's offer of the ambassadortrixship to the Republic of Chad and instead to run for Congress. Our repeated emails and cable messages to N'djamena produced no response from our correspondent. Unexpectedly, this week, the following dispatch appeared in our emailbox.
It is good to finally be back in contact with you after all these months. The actions of Kathryn Harris, Linda Tripp, and Strom Thurmond when they departed Chad struck me as somewhat petulant and uncalled for -- cutting all our international phone and fax lines, sabotaging our national internet service provider, Chad On Line, closing down its world-famous Chad Rooms, and kidnapping all our postal workers. Surely we did not deserve such treatment just because we ran out of cosmetics for the ladies and goat-gland extract for the gentleman. We are a poor country, and did the very best we could. But now, thanks to the generosity of some of our better-off friends in neighbouring countries, we have finally restored communications to the West. Rest assured that you did not miss any news of significance, for, as you remember, the only things that were newsworthy here were the activities of the departed Americans. We have gone back to being our not-very-interesting third-world selves. However, yesterday I did receive a most intriguing communication from a neighbouring country. It's grammar and syntax was rather idiosyncratic, and I therefore edited it to make it more comprehensible. But in the process, it became clear that such revisions had drained the color and character out of the communication, so I have decided to send you the original version instead, untouched by my well-meaning yet heavy editorial hand. Perhaps, then, you could publish this eloquent missive in your Business and Finance section. Your most humble
chief Central African correspondent,
DEAR FRIEND, I AM MRS. SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO (DRC). I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER, THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION. I ESCAPED ALONG WITH MY HUSBAND AND TWO OF OUR SONS COLLINS AND BASHER OUT OF DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO (DRC) TO ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE WHERE MY FAMILY AND I SETTLED, WHILE WE LATER MOVED TO SETTLED IN MOROCCO WHERE MY HUSBAND LATER DIED OF CANCER DISEASE. HOWEVER DUE TO THIS SITUATION WE DECIDED TO CHANGED MOST OF MY HUSBAND'S BILLIONS OF DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN SWISS BANK AND OTHER COUNTRIES INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE THE NEW HEAD OF STATE OF (DR) MR LAURENT KABILA HAS MADE ARRANGEMENT WITH THE SWISS GOVERNMENT AND OTHER EUROPEAN COUNTRIES TO FREEZE ALL MY LATE HUSBAND'S TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES. HENCE MY CHILDREN AND I DECIDED LAYING LOW IN AFRICA TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER, LIKE NOW THAT PRESIDENT KABILA IS DEAD AND THE SON TAKING OVER (JOSEPH KABILA). ONE OF MY LATE HUSBAND'S CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY IDENTITY SO THAT MY INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF EIGHTEEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$18,000,000,00.) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SON (COLLINS) WHO HAS THE OUT MODALITIES FOR THE CLAIM OF THE SAID FUNDS. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCK IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON-SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU. IN CONCLUSION, IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST US , MY SON SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THE BUSINESS, TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES. FOR THIS REASON KINDLY FURNISH US YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION, THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE AND EMAIL ADDRESS FOR CONFIDENTIAL PURPOSE AND ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL USING THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS. BEST REGARDS, MRS M. SESE SEKO END
|
Magellan's Log Copyright ©
2002 Texas Chapbook Press
www.texaschapbookpress.com