--Midland, Tex. Every president is the butt of scurrilous jokes that probe for his most vulnerable opening, seeking to hurt where it hurts most.

Even our current president’s unlamented predecessor, for all his sins which were recounted in such telling, fulsome detail in the media and from concerned pulpits Sunday after Sunday across the nation, had to suffer humorous attacks way, way beyond the bounds of good taste.

Considering the nature of persons who occupy the bridges of power in the other party, we have to expect garbage like this which one found in one’s emailbox recently:

The GOP National Committee announced today that it was changing the Republican emblem from an elephant to a condom. The Committee stated that it feels a condom more clearly reflects the party’s true political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives one a sense of security and safety while screwing others.

As my mother used to say, "Consider the source."

Still and all, we in the politics game learn to expect such sophomoric, locker-room, boy-scout, Neanderthal humor. And we console our wounded egos by remembering that One Greater Than All These often reminded his disciples in their and his darkest days that "What goes around, etc."

It is one thing to make tasteless jokes about a man’s sexual equipment or even to turn the Grand Old Party’s Ideals into off-color humor.

It is quite a different matter to make jokes about A MAN’S INTELLIGENCE. Not just "a man" but our very president. Here we are beyond questions of taste and approaching territory that is almost treasonous.

With President Bush the Younger things have truly gotten out of hand. I want you to put yourself in his shoes and think how you’d feel if every time you sneaked onto the Internet late at night when Karl and Karen weren’t around to monitor your every move and every five minutes as you surfed you stumbled across jokes ABOUT YOUR OWN SELF of the kind I'm about about to give you some of the most egregegious examples of.

Warning to sensitive readers of rightish tendencies: You may want to skip most of the following because I'm going to give you no less than SEVEN examples of these awful so-called "jokes". It pains me to do so but only thus can we understand the depths to which our enemies will sink:

Insulting Example No. 1:
George W. Bush and Dan Quayle where returning from hunting. The two were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later George W. said to Dan Quayle, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," Dan added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck."

Insulting Example No. 2:
George W. Bush, back when he still had a certain problem with alcohol, walked into a bar. He ordered five beers and drank them all down. He then ordered four beers and proceeded to drink them as well. With a confused look on his face, he stared down at the empty beer bottles in front of him. He ordered another three beers and finished them of as before. Now he looked really confused. Looking around in bewilderment, he cautiously ordered another two. The bartender, curious at the young man's confusion asked him what was the matter, to which George W replied, "I don't know what's going on but, the fewer beers I drink, the more drunk I get."

Insulting Example No. 3:
Some years back, when Dubya’s daddy was Vice President and Dubya was just mostly sort of knocking around, one day he got on a plane to go to Disneyland. The flight attendant approached Dubya who had sat himself down in first class and requested that he move to economy since he did not have a first class ticket. Dubya said, "I'm the scion of the Bush family. My daddy’s Vice President. I'm rich, I'm going to Disneyland and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with Dubya. The co-pilot went to talk with the vice president's son, asking him to please move out of the first class section.

Dubya refused.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do. The captain said, "I've dealt with him before and I know how to handle this."

The captain went to the first class section and whispered in Dubya’s ear. Dubya immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section.

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to young Bush that finally convinced him to move.

The captain said, "I told him the first class section wasn't going to Disneyland."

Insulting Example No. 4:
George W. Bush, running as the pro-education candidate, made many campaign stops at grade schools where he posed for pictures, while reading to kids or chatting with them in class. At one photo-op stop, a teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Dubya chimed in, possibly trying to make the teacher's lesson clearer. He said: "Now, children, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," one of the girls said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow at the back of the room shouted, "'Cause your feet aren't empty."

Insulting Example No. 5:
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W. Bush, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

George W. Bush rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the President of the United States. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry. The leader of the free world just jumped out wearing my backpack."

Insulting Example No. 6:
Q: Why does George W. Bush keep his fly open?
A: In case he has to count to eleven.
Q: So why doesn't he just use his toes?
A: Because going barefoot in public would be embarrassing.

Insulting Example No. 7:
Q: Why is Bush taking an aggressive stand against China?
A: He’s not going to let them pull a Pearl Harbor on us again.

....

Enough is enough. I’m not going to bore and offend you with any more embarrassing examples. What can we as caring citizens do to stop this garbage?

I have spoken with my good friends Tom DeLay, Dick Armey, and Kay Bailey Hutchison (that wonderful girl who was best friends at SMU with my nephew’s sister-in-law’s cousin) about the possibility of a constitutional amendment to protect our President against such insulting innuendoes.

Tom and Dick were immediately enthusiastic and urged me to form a non-partisan, non-faith-based committee to start the ball rolling. Kay also liked the idea and said I should invite Clarence and Antonin for coffee one afternoon to sort of begin greasing the skids if you get my drift.

My Day Runner already runneth over with these and other suggestions and the campaign will soon be underway.

Just to give you a teaser, I bumped into Mr. Rupert Murdoch in lively non-partisan converse with Trent Lott and the revered Strom Thurmond  outside the Senate Cloakroom the other day and learned that he had already heard of my plan and assured me that the Fox Network will give us all the air-time we want. His words sent chills of gratitude up my spine to realize what a great country of Freedom we still live in and inhabit in spite of the filth spewed out incessantly by The Other Party.

What can you as an Ordinary Citizen do in the meantime?

With the efficient if somewhat pricey help of the Midland Kinko’s, I have had a few bumper stickers made up, which you are welcome to one in exchange for a small contribution (nothing less than three figures, please-- you wouldn't believe what the overhead is for a campaign of this magnitude what with having to pay full benefits to an office staff that has trouble opening envelopes) to our effort. Mail your check to:

                The Rich White People’s Bank of Midland, SPA
                4281 Laura Bush Way
                Midland, TX.