Magellan's Log: Are You a 21st Century Person?

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Are You a 21st
Century Person?

Or Are You Just a Stick in the 20th-Century Mud?

Living in the past is always a temptation, but especially so in these fast-changing millennial times. As a service to our readers, Magellan’s Log has compiled a short check-up quiz to help you figure out whether you are looking backward with anger at what we’ve lost since the "good old days," or whether you are happily embracing the new age with its wonderful new ways.

Since all meaningful testing in our most advanced schools is now multiple-choice, we of course made our test multiple-choice. As an indication of how far ahead of the educational curve this publication is, we reduced the troublesome, annoying FOUR choices to a mere TWO.

Special Note: Since ambiguity is NOT an option in the new, digital world (everything is either 1 or 0), you must choose between the two answers. If you feel a twinge of desire for some third option such as "Neither of the Above," that only further indicates to what extent you are living in the past.

Scoring could not be simpler. Every "A" answer means you are still living in the bad old 20th century, while every "B" answer means you are truly a citizen of the brave new millennial world.

1. You overhear your female teenager on the phone discussing the finer points of oral sex with a male friend. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

2. Your 8-year-old’s Aibo takes to dry-humping people’s legs and smelling crotches. You discover that your 8-year-old had ordered some Finnish hacker’s Aibo-sex-card and installed it. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

3. Your spouse reveals a burning desire to be cloned. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

4. Your mid-cap biotech company in which you have a thriving career is bought out by Archer Daniels Midland. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

5. You take the family to see the latest Hollywood blockbuster that’s already grossed 800 mill worldwide. How do you react?
        a. You are bored silly.
        b. You have a lengthy, bonding conversation with your
            children about the amazing special effects.

6. The EPA announces that the air quality of your city is nearing danger levels. How do you react?
        a. You begin making plans to move to the Andes Plateau.
        b. You install the latest electronic air filtration system in
            your home a/c and forbid your children to ever again play
            outside.

7. Your 16-year-old son comes to breakfast one morning wearing make-up and a dress. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

8. Your 10-year-old daughter announces at breakfast one morning that when she grows up she wants to be just like Hillary Clinton. How do you react.
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

9. Your local library announces that henceforth it will acquire no more paper books but will purchase only ebooks. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

10. The brother of a presidential candiate in your country steals the election by blocking the vote count in his state. How do you react?
a. Apoplectically.
b. With a smirk.

END

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