Tasteless Jokes 28

Quest for Truth
A woman was sitting alone in her office one night when a genie popped up out of her telephone. "And what will your third wish be?"

The woman looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."

"Okay," said the woman, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand men. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted her wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

From an Oregon newspaper:

High-balling It
A young, lonely guy driving across the country decided to pick up a stunning, blonde hitchhiker. A few miles into the trek, the blonde started coming onto him, so needless to say, he pulled over to the side of the desolate road so she could give him some oral pleasure. Once his pants were down to his ankles, the blonde surprised him with a gun and bound his wrists to his ankles. Then, she robbed him of his wallet and clothes, and drove off with his car. Once she was out of sight, the man struggled to his feet and began hopping alongside the road in a desperate attempt to get help. A short time later, a trucker pulled up alongside the troubled man. "What happened to you?" asked the trucker, with a grin. The man explained his plight... The trucker stepped down from his truck, and as he unzipped his pants he remarked, "This just ain't been your day, has it boy!"



Two-tiered Service
Two men are in a doctor's office. Each is to get a vasectomy. The nurse comes into the room and tells both men, "Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done." A few minutes later she returns and reaches into one man's gown and proceeds to masturbate him. Shocked, he asks "Why are you doing that?" To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure." The man, not wanting to be a problem and enjoying it, allows her to complete her task. After she is through, she proceeds to the next man.. She starts to fondle the man as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees and proceeds to give him oral sex. The first man, seeing this, quickly responds, "Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated and he gets a blow job?" The nurse replies, "Sir, there is a difference between HMO and Complete Coverage.



Last Chance
A couple is about to be married. The groom is walking down the aisle of the church to take his place at the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.

The best man says "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up? You look so excited."

The groom replies, "I just had the BEST blow job I have ever had in my entire life!"

Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor notices this and says "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited?"

The bride replies "I just gave the LAST blow job of my entire life!"



Cowpokes' Delight
Two cowboys were talking and one asked the other, "What is your favorite sex position?"

"I don't know, said the other , What's yours?"

"I like the Rodeo position said the first guy."

"What's that? asked the second cowboy."

"Well, says the first guy, you get your girlfriend on all fours and mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts in your hands, then you say, "Wow, these feel just like your sister’s." Then you just try to hang on for 8 seconds."



Quest for Truth, Part II
A father asked his ten year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed. "When I was six, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have no reason left to live!"



Happy Ending
A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well. The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter. Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also. Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns. The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims, "HOLY SHIT, IT WORKS!"

END

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