March 3, 2003

The "Dubya Finally Gets It on with K.H." Event

Dubya accidentally destroys Tibet, Afghanistan, half of Kyrzygstan, and the entire Vale of Kashmir. It happens like this: From the beginning of Dubya’s faux term, nobody in Congress would even talk about the possibility of hearings to approve appointment of Katherine Harris to any position whatever. Soon after his inauguration, Dubya had one of his rich Texas buddies hire her as his "Personal Trainer" out of his own pocket. Dubya had the desk in the Oval Office redone so that it was actually a double desk, where he and Katherine could sit side by side and rule the world in comfortable and (Dubya hoped) rewarding proximity. After two years, Dubya had made absolutely no progress in getting where he wanted most in the world to get to with Ms. Harris. Her persistent aloofness only spurs him on, because he knows from his old Yale days that the louder they say no they more they mean yes. Finally on March 2, especially irritated by the distant sounds of rioting in the streets from the hungry masses out of work because of the incipient depression resulting from the little mooning incident two months before, Dubya stops playing Tetris on his Gameboy and lunges at K.H. They fall in a heap on the Red Phone, striking a combination of buttons which causes a nuclear holocaust to descend on a large portion of Central Asia.