November 5, 2002, Election Day, Featuring 2 Events

The "Double-whammy" Election Event No. 1.

Coasting on the good economic times resulting from the unprecedented boom in the totally revived armaments and nuclear weapons industries, Dubya’s Republicans in the mid-term election expand their control of the House to 434-1 (only the district around Berkley manages to elect a Democrat), so thoroughly does Jim Baker have things in control) and take over the Senate outright, 67-33. Tom DeLay becomes Speaker of the House and de facto co-president with Dick Cheney. The money guys see a bull market ahead that’ll make the 90s look like a warm-up exercise. The Democrats go to court, alleging fraud in the election, but when the case reaches the Supreme Court, where Clarence Thomas enjoys the company of two Clarence Thomas clones appointed by Dubya and Antonin Scalia sits between a couple of guys from Queens who look for all the world like his brothers (also appointed by Dubya), the court throws the case out as consitutionally irrelevant. Wall Street is orgasmic.

The "Double-whammy" Election Event No. 2

During an exclusive live post-election interview with Barbara Walters, Dubya is seen constantly glancing at his laptop computer. Walters finally asks him if she and her viewers can have a peek at what’s on his computer screen. Dubya says sure and turns the screen toward the camera. A worldwide audience of 1.2 billion sees an mpeg file of a virtually-reincarnate Lili St. Cyr being serviced by a donkey in a Juarez bar, rendered with a life-like verisimilitude worthy of the latest George Lucas movie. Dubya starts in, like a kid showing off a new toy, praising the realism of the video creatures, done, he says proudly, by Crawford Computer Corp., a dot.com startup adjacent to his ranch in Central Texas. Next day, Crawford stock goes from 0.05 to 15,021, taking both the Dow Jones average and the NASDAQ into the financial stratosphere.