To the Reader:
Join us in welcoming the newest addition to the culturally diverse Magellan's Log staff! Nfubi's first, all-too-brief report from Chad, that vital epicenter of geopolitical reality, can be found in our letters column. We look forward to his future communiqués, especially as Katherine Harris, the self-styled (surely no professional make-up artist would take responsibility) "Queen of Chad", assumes her ambassadorial duties.

Aside to Nfubi: Please note how your nation's new American celebrity spells her first name and correct your own usage in future messages.

Greetings from Chad!

Here is my first dispatch of the new Millennium.

The capital is all abuzz about the appointments of your next President to his cabinet. (Why is it that the Anglo/American language is so replete with furniture metaphors pertaining to white-collar jobs? -- cabinet, bureau, foreign desk, chair of a committee, judicial bench, etc.) We anticipate with no little trepidation the possible confirmation of John Ashcroft, who has struck fear into most of the African continent, and not only because he lost an election to a dead man.

But on the other hand, we look forward with the greatest of pleasure to the arrival of the charming Ms. Kathryn Harris as supreme ambassadortrix to Chad. Even before taking this office, she has brought the name of our country to the forefront of American consciousness, and to the tips of hundreds of millions of U.S. tongues. Our President Bouche is already rumoured to be contemplating granting Ms. Harris a coveted honourary membership in the august Royal Academy of Goatherds and Swineherds, a prestigious organization that dates back to the earliest days of our tribal monarchy. He has also been said to have learned personally from the Florida Governor John Ellis "Jeb" Bush that Ms. Harris is one very lively lady, if you catch my meaning.

In any event, her forthcoming arrival has created great excitement here, and the makeup counters of our leading downtown department stores, Woolworths, and 9,999-guarnik stores (similar to your 99-cent stores) are all vying with each other to be honoured with her valuable cosmetics patronage. It is understood here that she is highly partial to the vulture-fat emollients for which Chad has become so internationally famous.

Wherever one goes in the city, one's ears are greeted with exclamation of Kathryn-this and Ms. Harris that. Truly, this fine lady has already raised the spirits of an entire nation, and for this we are all extremely grateful. It is a great time to be alive in Chad, you may be assured!