The Long and Short of It
There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said: "We shouldl just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said: "We should take a big hunk out of the middle of it." They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said: "Weshould just take a big hunk off the base of it." They discussed it and said that would give him erectile problems. The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running done her cheeks. The nurse cried: "Can’t we just make his legs longer?"

Now We Know
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a tad put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered THAT question."

Likely Story
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"

Ach so!
A doctor started having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.

"But, how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.

"Well," he said, "after you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write 'sauerkraut' on the back."

Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today," she explained. "I don't understand what it means!"

"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied.

Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card, which said: "SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT: TWO WITH WIENERS, ONE WITHOUT!"

Here We Go Again
A man who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage. "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.

"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have a different one in mind for you."

They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage. "Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."

"Well, no," said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."

The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men's approach.

"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.

The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn't even act like an attack dog."

"I know he appears tame now," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

The Early Bird
Some women all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed when the boss left, and they'd be right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know? Today, she left way early.

So, that day the brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.  The redhead was elated to be able to to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was way happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard muffled squealing from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door to see her husband in bed, rolling around with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she edged the door closed and crept out of her house.

The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again that day, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY!", she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Quickie
Why do we have orgasms?
How else would we know when to stop?