Two school kids around Aberystwyth
Made love with the lips that they kissed with,
   But as they got older
   They also grew bolder,
Making love with the things that they pissed with.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
   "Oh, the Vicar is quicker
   And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you."

An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
   Display for selection
   Three kinds of erection:
Corinthian, Ionic, and Doric.

There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a fucking machine.
   Concave and convex,
   it fucked either sex
and jerked off itself in between.

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
   She will use her bare fist
   If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.

There was a young lady of Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One went so far,
As to wave from his car,
The distingushing mark of this sex at her.

There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had tits of different sizes.
   One was small,
   Almost nothing at all,
But the other was big, and won prizes.

There was a young Peruvian named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.
   While women are fine,
   And sheep are divine,
Llamas are numero uno."

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who professed to no sexual feeling
   Till a cynic named Boris
   Just touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

There was an old man from Calcutter
Who greased up his asshole with butter,
   And instead of the roar
   We heard there before
Came a soft oleaginous mutter.

The naughty old bishop of Birmingham
Buggered two boys whilst confirming 'em.
   As they knelt before God
   He pulled out his rod
And pumped his Episcopal sperm in 'em.

There once was a young queen of Broda
Who kept a peculiar pagoda.
   The walls of its halls
   Were festooned with the balls
And the tools of the fools who bestrode her.

A habit both vile and unsavory,
Kept the Bishop of London in slavery,
   With lecherous howls,
   He deflowered little owls,
That he kept in an underground aviary.

There once was a man from Kent
Whose dick was so long it was bent.
   To stay out of trouble,
   He stuck it in double
And instead of coming, he went.

There was once was a man from Nantucket
Took a pig in thicket to fuck it.
   Said the pig with alarm,
   "Sir, you'll do me great harm,
But bring it round front and I'll suck it."

My back aches, my penis is sore.
I simply can't fuck anymore.
   I'm covered with sweat,
   You haven't come yet,
And, my God, it's a quarter till four.