F.Q. (Fetish
Quotient) fetish: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression . . .
Are you not getting off quite so easily to the "object or bodily part" which has served your erotic gratification so well over the years? Chances are, your F.Q. (Fetish Quotient) has taken a downturn while you were busy maintaining the lifestyle you, your partner, your partner's children by a previous partnership, and your own children are accustomed to. Not to worry. The problem is nothing a little guilt-filled attention won't fix. The first step is a thorough check-up. Just go through the questions we've supplied below, analyze the results, and before you know it, your fetish status will quickly rise to its old level and the old rocks will be getting off as good as new. Note that we've used a catchall label, "XXX", to indicate "fetish." You can fill in your own particular object or body part (high heel shoes, suede high heel shoes, recently worn suede high heel shoes, foot, left foot, left big toe, slightly dirty left big toe, etc.) as you read each question. 1. How many days has it been since you
felt a genital engorgement at the sight of XXX? 2. Rate the involuntary genital
lubrication that occurred at the last such sighting: 3. Please think of XXX now. What sort of
eroto-genital response did you have? 4. How aware is your partner of the
importance of XXX to your gratificatory behavior? 5. If a Republican candidate ran on a
platform which included making XXX illegal, how strongly would this position influence
your vote? 6. If a Democratic candidate ran on a
platform which included making XXX free for everyone, how strongly would this position
influence your vote? 7. Stored away in the attic or in a back
closet, how many samples of, or photographs of, XXX have you kept from your adolescent
days of discovery? 8. How often do you do an Internet search
for people who share your fetish? 9. How many movies have you rented in the
last year solely because they contained either overt or covert references to XXX? 10. Rate the usefulness of the Internet
in finding XXX gratification: Scoring: Give yourself 10 points for each (a) answer, 7 for
each (b), 4 for each (c), and zero for each (d). Your F.Q. Status 80-100: You're in good
shape, fetish-gratification-wise. We assume you just took this test for fun.
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Sometimes we just get too busy, so many
batteries to replace, so much wine to store correctly, so many anti-smoking petitions to
sign, that we neglect the really important things in our lives. Such as our fetishes.