"I have seen heaven," Tsui announced proudly, out of breath from running up the valley trail to the mountain pass.

"Sit down," Lao-Tze said. Tsui sits beside him, and Lao-Tze went on, "Have you heard about the white man who was taking a leak? An African American came running it, whipped it out, and started pissing up a storm. He let out a big sigh and said, 'Just made it!' The white man took one look and said, 'You think you could run one off for me?'"

Lao-Tze saw the confused look on Tsui's blushing face. "Never mind," he said, "now, you say you've seen heaven. Tell me about it."

"It turns out the Pearly Gates are a chain link fence, rather decripit actually. To the left is an overgrown cemetery. In the middle is a complex of depressiingly boring buildings, and off to the right, fading in the distance is the loveliest garden and park imagineable."

"It must be very beautiful."

"Indeed it is."

"You are very lucky to have seen it."

"Yes. The memory of it will keep me happy for the rest of my days."

"How did you manage this remarkable achievement which so many have sought and so few have attained?"

"It was a dream, a waking dream that came over me as I was napping by the fax machine."

"And why did you come to tell me about it?"

"I have heard that you are always asking people if they know what heaven is."

"True."

"I found out, and I thought you would want to know."

"Very good. Now, you have enticed me. You have told me what heaven is. Please, now, for I am very old and don't have much time, tell me where it is so that I can go there straightway."