
M.I.Q.
by Maurice Fitznuggly
Many thousands of years passed before our analytical intelligence got to the point
where we were smart enough to develop a way to measure it. 1905 was the date of the first
I.Q. test.
Here we are, a century older, deeper in debt, and
apparently not a whole lot smarter.
We have a least got to the point where psychologists who
try to talk about kinds of intelligence other than those involving
mathematical, verbal, logical reasoning skills have moved in out of the cold and have even
written the occasional best-seller (Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, 1995).
In 1993 Howard Gardner (The Frames of Mind: The Theory of
Multiple Intelligences) had gone so far as to suggest seven identifiable modes of human
smartness:
1.linguistic,
2. logical-mathematical,
3. spatial,
4. bodily-kinesthetic,
5. musical,
6. interpersonal,
7.intrapersonal.
(Four other intelligencesnaturalistic,
existential, moral, and spiritualhave since been advanced but to little
effect.)
Which is all to the good since such a wider view puts to
rest the nagging suspicion that, say, Mozart wouldve never come
close to admission to M.I.T., and that, say, Shakespeare, wouldve
been lucky to find employment as a paper-shredder-emptier on Wall Street.
On a less grandiose level, teachers in various disciplines
have long been aware of students who couldnt, say, learn to conjugate a French verb
or solve a quadratic equation if their life depended on it but who, given thirty minutes
to talk to a depressed classmate could quickly establish and act on a therapeutic
relationship. Yet, traditionally such a person would be labeled a dummy for
failing French or math and would receive no recognition for having remarkable
interpersonal intelligence.
When you begin thinking about these categories, laudable as
they are, problems quickly become apparent. They do little to help us cope with the
maddening rises (and falls) of the likes of George W. Bush, Jimmy Swaggert, or, for that
matter, Benedict XVI.
Evidence for the massive stupidity of humans is hard to
miss (though we conveniently continue to mostly overlook ithow many war
cemeteries have you ever visited to help you remember?).
Evidence for our intelligence is equally obvious and
usually were proud as Jonestown punch about it (Nobel Prizes,
Kilroy-was-here plaques on the moon, Oscars, etc.).
For all that, a close study of the historical record yields
the grudging feeling that:
1. We are even more stupid than we
think, and
2. We areat least potentiallyalso a whole lot smarter than
we think.
Consider, for example, metaphysics (he
wrote nervously, knowing that he had instantly caused many readers to instantly click away
to less demanding pages).
Nevertheless, consider metaphysics (he repeated,
helplessly).
Having evolutionarily pulled ourselves out of the old ocean
home and established a beachhead (of sorts) by means of the various clevernesses outlined
above, were now pretty content, indeed, self-satisfied with where our efforts of
consciousness have got us to: not just food and shelter, but air conditioning,
SUVs galore, and more music than you can properly listen to in one lifetime in your
pocket.
As humans sometimes thought of as "wise" have
long been pointing out, those sorts of physical comforts and delights ease our days but do
very little for our nights and nothing at all for The Big Night that
awaits.
Yet so powerfully seductive are the delights of the day
that we, the entertained race, can now spend whole lives without giving
much thought to the coming night. That we might even have a built-in kind of intelligence
to do just thator at least the potential to develop such an intelligence, is beyond
the pale of respectability for all but the remotest thinkers.
Yet, my children, Im here to tell you: it is so. It
is so.
To all those vaunted other Qs, we needs must
add another: M.I.Q. The Metaphysical Intelligence Quotient.
Without it we leave our hearts ease in the rough,
tough, greedy, wholly insensitive hands of appointed, annointed ignoramuses who
wouldnt know transcendence if they stumbled over it in a dark alley and it offered
them a free blowjob.
With an M.I.Q., the cul de sac we presently inhabit opens
out into undreamt-of realms.
The dead end at last becomes a living beginning.
END
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