Wusser Britches Gets Lost
Douglas Milburn
Wusser Britches knew she was lucky. Salmon
treats every day, not one but two climbing posts, trips to the vet no oftener than once a
year, and three humans to look after her every need. They thought she was the world’s
most independent cat and found their constant attention to her every whim only fitting/
Still, Wusser Britches’s life had its problems. In the last couple of years she had
put on a pound or two. And her behavior on the rare trips to the vet was not something she
was especially proud of.
On the whole, her life was calm, predictable and quite enjoyable.
The day Wusser Britches got lost seemed like any other day to her. Wusser Britches always
knew exactly where she was, so how could she be lost?
Sometimes she wanted to be alone—fairly often, actually. She had found one place
where her humans never bothered her. The day they thought Wusser Britches was lost, she
just happened to stay a little longer than usual in her favorite place—it was so snug
and cozy.
Lost? No, not Wusser Britches.
But humans… they panic so easily.
When the smallest of her three humans couldn’t find Wusser Britches, she rushed
around the house shouting, "Has anybody seen Wuss?"
Of course no one had seen her because she didn’t want to be seen just then.
Soon all her humans were looking for her. Upstairs, downstairs, in the basement, in the
attic.
Every few minutes they would stop and say, "Do you think she got outside?" And
they would go to the windows and look out, though they all knew well how much Wusser
Britches loathed the out-of-doors.
Where do you think she goes when she doesn’t want to be bothered? If you were a very
independent cat, where would you go to get away from your humans?
Just when her humans were gathered around the kitchen table drinking various vile-smelling
beverages and discussing whether to call the fire department, the police department, or
the bureau of missing persons, Wusser Britches her own self came strolling in and went
straight to her water bowl.
She was pleased to note that a fresh dollop of salmon had appeared on a plate in her
absence.
Her humans were ridiculously excited to see her. There was much jumping up and down and
shouting ("Where have you been? We thought you were lost!") and entirely too
much petting and cuddling for Wusser Britches’s taste.
Eventually everyone calmed down, and Wusser Britches settled by the big glass patio doors,
waiting for her friend, the garden frog, to appear.
So ended another perfectly normal day in the serene life of Wusser Britches.
Oh. You are wondering where she was "hiding"? Look in the sunroom of her house
and you’ll see a settee, on which are several large fur pillows. Wusser
Britches’ favorite place in the whole world is under those pillows, with a just small
hole to look out. That’s where she had spent the day.
And quite a pleasant day it was, she thought, as she lapped up the last bite of salmon.
Wusser
Britches Goes Outside >>
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