April 2007

"Is the voyage worth making that does not enhance awareness of our shared humanity?"

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Staff Biographies

"Giving well is the best revenge."
  --Douglas Milburn.

Bored with high-level satire of the idiots running the government, tired of incisive analyses of the ideologues running the culture, fed up with concocting beautiful multimedia pieces, the staff of Magellan's Log recently revolted.

Following a secret meeting, they presented a petition signed by all 40 of the fulltime writers. "We want a CREATIVE assignment!" they virtually shouted.

The editor pondered their somewhat impolite request. After a while, he assembled the staff. "You want creative, I'll give you creative. You have ONE WEEK to come up with a CREATIVE idea for a MOVIE! It doesn't have to be a screenplay, but it should at least contain the seed of an unusual idea that could be turned into a screenplay. Bonne chance!" He grinned and stalked off to wherever editors stalk off to.

A week later, he met again with the staff and discovered that 19 of the 40 alleged writers had in fact completed the assignment. The results of whose labors we now present to a waiting Hollywood.

Address queries concerning rights to douglasmilburn@texaschapbookpress.com

1. Sleepy Lobster, by Douglas Milburn. A lonely life by the South China Sea breeds one very large heart.

2. The Initiator, by Pedkop Bambera. The vanishing American appears in Natchez, and then vanishes again.

3. One Hundred Square Inches of Blue Sky, by Michelle Furr. The problems of being a celebrity's child, 200 years ago.

4. Petrov the Good, by Ceci Lumley. Sneaking one past the Nazis in a Russian ghetto.

5. White Elephant, by Robert Odom. Even a great man's remains may smell to high heaven.

6. The Calhoun Cure, by Rean Rhyne. Psychedelics to the rescue when the human daemon refuses to shut up.

7. Marion Beauregard Flagler's Last Day, by Sylvia Sikeston. Give 'em long enough and even bigots may have second thoughts.

8. Dangers of the Orgasm, by Temple Duciel. Hot sex in a small room. Nerve ain't got nothing on us.

9. My Career in Art, by Jerden Purmort. We tip our hat to the wacky world of painting in NYC.

10. Dragstrip Porsche, by Angus Verspeeten. You never know what may happen when you put the pedal to the metal in a $100,000 car.

11. Hover Craft, by J.M. Pyka. Ghostly thoughts from a spirit who just won't let go.

12. How I Inadvertently Redecorated the Church of St. Stephen in Montenegro, by Sawyer Brown. What happens if a second-rate pianist gets out of the way of his fingers.

13. Treehuggers at 10, by Diebold Essen. Your friendly local newscast ventures into metaphysics.

14. Milles Boners, by Doc Cuddy. Our editor has a bit of fictitious fun at the expense of our publisher.

15. Shade, by Maurice Fitznuggly. A ghostly meeting on the Italian coast where Caravaggio disappeared.

16. The Rebel of Orange County, by Edward Hothi. A "daymare" of life in the Southland.

17. The Malvern Hills, by Sylvia Sikeston. That green and sceptered isle...

18. The Golden Mean of Marfa, by Elinor Hoefs. When you get what you want, you don't always get what you want.

19. Rez Rape, by Bloce Kaibab. The Vanishing American vanishes again.

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