Fidelity and Frivolity, Part 1

"You are alone aren't you, Lucinda?"

"I don't know... maybe ... I think."

"Please! Please! dear Lucinda! You know how, when little Wilhelmina says, 'Please, please!' and you don't do it right away, she shouts it louder and more seriously until her wish is granted."

"So that's what you wanted to tell me, that's why you came running into the room, out of breath, and frightened me so?"

"Don't be angry, my sweet female! Let me be, you beautiful thing! Don't reproach me, you lovely girl!"

"Now won't you soon be saying, 'Close the door'?"

"And if I do?. . . I'll answer you in just a second. First though a good, long kiss, then another one, then some more and many many more."

"You mustn't kiss me like that at a time when I have to keep my head. It causes wicked thoughts."

"You deserve such thoughts. How can you laugh, my distracting lady? Who would've thought it! But I know you're doing it because you can laugh me into silence. You're not doing it because there's anything really funny. Who just a few moments ago looked as serious as a Roman senator? You could’ve looked quite tempting, dear child, with your holy dark eyes, with your long black hair in the shining reflection of the setting sun if you hadn't been sitting there as if you were holding court! As God is my witness, you looked at me in a way that threw a real fright into me. I would have soon forgotten the most important thing, and I did become totally confused. But why aren't you saying anything? Do I seem repulsive to you?"

"Well that's certainly strange, you foolish Julius! You really don't give a person a chance to speak! Your tenderness is flowing today like a downpour."

"Like your conversation last night."

"Oh! Sir, I beg you, leave the scarf in place."

"Leave it? You won't go all the way? What good is such a miserable stupid scarf? Prejudices! That scarf must be banished from the world."

"If only nobody disturbs us!"

"Doesn't she look as if she were about to cry! Are you all right? Why is your heart pounding? Here, let me kiss it. Yes, a while ago, you said close the door. All right, but not this way, not here. Come on, let's go to the garden, to the pavilion where the flowers are. Come, oh, don't make me wait."

"As you wish, sir!"

"I don't know, you seem so strange today."

"If you're going to start moralizing, dear friend, we might as well go back. I'd rather give you another kiss and then run on ahead."

"Don't run so fast, Lucinda. Morality won't catch you. You'll stumble!"

"I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. Well, here we are. And you're in a hurry too."

"And you are very obedient. But now's no time to argue."

sg15.jpg (23409 bytes)"Shhh, shhh!"

"See, here you can really relax, as one should. Now, if this time you don't. . . you won't have any excuse."

"Don't you want to lower the curtain first?"

"You're right, the lighting will be so much nicer. How beautifully this white hip gleams in the red glow! . . . Why so cold, Lucinda?"

"Dearest, please move the hyacinths a little farther away, the aroma is numbing."

"How firm and how independent, how smooth and how fine! That is harmonious structure."

"Oh no, Julius! Stop, please stop, I don't want to."

"Can't I feel to see whether you are glowing like I am? Let me listen to the beating of your heart, let me cool my lips in the snow of your bosom! . . . Can't you push me away? I'll take revenge. Hold me tighter, kiss for kiss. No! Not many; just one eternal kiss. Take my entire soul and give me yours! . . . Oh beautiful, magnificent Oneness! Aren't we children? Say something! How were you able to be so indifferent and cold at first, and then when you finally drew me to you more firmly, at the same moment you made a face as if something were hurting you, as if it were hurting you to respond to my passion. What's wrong? You're crying? Don't hide your face! Look at me, beloved!"

"Oh let me lie here beside you, I can't look you in the eye. It was terrible of me, Julius! Can you forgive me, you beautiful man! Will you not leave me? Can you still love me?"

"Come here, my sweet woman, here to my heart. Do you remember how beautiful it was when you were crying in my arms, how much better you felt? Please say something, what's wrong now, love? Are you angry with me?"

"I'm angry at myself. I could hit myself. . . It would have served you right. And when in the future, sir, you seek your conjugal rights, I will be sure to see to it that you find me in a conjugal position. You can rely on that. I have to laugh when I think how it surprised me. But, sir, don't get any ideas that you are irresistible. This time it was by my own will that I broke my resolve."

"The first and the last will are always the best. To make up for the fact that they usually say less than they are thinking, women now and then do more than they intend to. And that's no more than fitting: good will is what seduces women. Good will is a very good thing, but the bad thing about it is that it's always present when one wants it least."

"That's a nice fault. But you men are full of bad will and become calloused because of it."

"Oh, no! If we seem calloused, it's only because we can't be any other way and so it's not bad will. We can't because we don't will the right things; so it's not bad will, simply a lack of will. And who bears the guilt for this situation if not you women, because you will share none of your excess good will and want to keep it all for yourselves? Anyway I've gotten all wound up in the wills and wants here wholly against my will, and I really don't have any idea what use all this wonting discussion is to us. Besides it's always better for me to cool my little ego in words than to go around breaking beautiful dishes or something. And it's given me a chance to recover somewhat from my first astonishment at your unexpected pathos, Madam, your elevated speech and your praiseworthy intentions. In fact this is one of the oddest tricks which you have given me the pleasure to experience; and as far as I can remember, it's been weeks since, in the daytime, you have talked in such well-formed and flowing periods as in your present sermon. Might you desire to transfer your thoughts to plain prose, Madam?"

"Have you really already forgotten yesterday evening and the interesting party? I must say, that surprises me."

"So that's it. You're angry about the fact that I talked to Amalia too much?"

"Talk as much as you want, with whom you want. But you ought to at least be civil to me; that I do expect."

"You were talking so loud, the foreigner was standing right next to you; I was uneasy and didn't know what else to do."

"Except to be uncivil, because you were ill-at-ease?"

"Forgive me! I admit I'm guilty. You know how ill-at-ease I am with you around other people. It's hard for me to talk to you when others are present."

"How adroitly he can talk his way out!"

"Never let such behavior escape my notice, and be as attentive and strict as you have to. But look what you've done now! Isn't it desecration? Oh no, it's not possible, it's more than that. . . Admit it, it was jealousy."

"You had ignored me the whole evening. I wanted to explain everything to you in writing this morning, but I had to tear it up."

"Just as I came in?"

"Your impetuous haste bothered me."

"Could you love me if I weren't so inflammable and electric? Aren't you the same way too? Have you forgotten our first embrace? In one instant love is there, total and eternal, or not at all. Everything divine and everything beautiful is quick and easy. Or does happiness increase like money and other goods by means of consistent behavior? Like music out of the air, the supreme happiness takes us by surprise, appears and disappears."

"Just the way you appeared to me, beloved man! But will you disappear? You mustn't, I tell you."

"I won't. I'll stay with you forever, and now too. Listen, I would like to talk at length with you about jealousy. But maybe first we ought to propitiate the aggrieved gods."

 

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