Classic Limericks

There was a young fellow named Tucker
Who, instructing a novice cocksucker,
Said, "Don't blow out your lips
Like an elephant's hips;
The boys like it best when you pucker."

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued a lot
About who would do what
And how and with which and to whom.

There was a young parson named Bings,
Who talked about God and such things;
But his secret desire
Was a boy in the choir,
With a bottom like jelly on springs.

From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

The Marquis de Sade and Genet
Are most highly thought of today;
But torture and treachery
Are not my sort of lechery,
So I've given my copies away.
                        --W.H. Auden

There was a young fellow named Taylor
Who seduced a respectable sailor.
When they put him in jail,
He worked out the bail,
By licking the parts of the jailer.

There was a young Lad of Nantucket
Whose prick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.

My back aches. My penis is sore.
I simply can't fuck anymore.
I'm covered with sweat.
You have't come yet,
And, my God, it's a quarter to four.

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