Magellan's Log
SATIRE INDEX

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1900-1999. Reppy Toppenish solves the problem of what to do about the 20th century.
2001 & the Murk Ahead. Mme. Anna-Magdalena Petrofina-Blavatsky.
Absolute Quarantine. Denise Hawkins. UFO visitors find hope in human violence.
Africa Calling. Nfubi Kwaadutu's latest dispatch from the Republic of Chad.
Ah Swan! How Southern Are You Anyway? Ceci Lumley.
Alien Graffiti Discovered in Mexico!!! You have to see it to believe it.
All-Country Test-Your-Leader’s-Sanity Diagnostic Quiz.
Anthropology 452: Puzzling Sexual Practices. In The Chiliastic Hideon.
Apocalypse When? A checklist for the equity-challenged.
Application for Membership in the American Empire. Another of our world scoops, freshly smuggled out of the Pentagon.
Are You a Curmudgeon? Harriet Lobdell. A checkup quiz for the socially maladjusted.
Are You an Internet Sex Addict? Joel Fluker.
Are You a Genuine Old-fashioned Cloth-coat Republican? Jerden Purmort.
Are You an Outhouse Republican? Joel Fluker. Helpful political self-tests.
Are You TV-Deprived? A self-help quiz by Sawyer Brown.
ARMAGEDDON: RU Ready??? The official Magellan's Log checklist for those who want to be prepared.
ARSE (Akashic Records Search Engine). Breakthrough technology from Bangladesh.
Ask the Medium. Our very own in-house ectoplasm talks to readers.
As the Twig Is Bent. Team report on the favorite childhood toys of the present Republican leadership.
Attaboy, 43! Ora Shay, our Token Republican, praises Dubya's crusade against evil.
Back to the Present. Elinor Hoefs. Fragments from a 42nd-century encyclopedia.
BAPTOW. Psyhic Mme Petrofina-Blavatsky on the true hidden source of the church-sex headlines.
Big George! Token Republican Ora Shay reveals George W. Bush's hometown's plans for a monument.
The Book of the Gnu. Scott McComb. Out with the old, in with the gnu!
Breathless in Midland. Ora Shay, token Republican, celebrates the 2004 election results. Bigtime.
BTV. Pedro Bofecillos. A revisionist view of historical chronology.
Bulletin from Chad! Nfubi Kwaadutu. Katherine Harris denies complicity in Congo violence.
The Bush-Baker Survival Kit. Essential gadgets for the socially engaged.
Capitalist Checklist. Rate your capitalist tendencies.
The Chad Report. Central listing of Nfubi Kwaadutu's essential dispatches from Chad.
The Chad Report No. 3. Nfubi Kwaadutu. The Saharan infatuation with Ms. Harris continues.
Constitutional Amendments. Our suggestions for how to get this country back to the way The Founders intended it to be.CPD and the Heartbreak of Overprinting. Test yourself for incipient CPD.
C.R.A.B.S. Wire-service report on first scientific identification of new virulent social disease.
Culture Wars. Scott McComb. Our little survival guide.
The Dangers of Creeping Liberalism, Tolerance, and Rationality. A powerful warning to today's youth.
Dark Canon. Jerden Purmort uses a trick of astrophysics to find hope, sort of.
Daseinschock! Freud's last, greatest insight into human behavior, with check-up quiz.
D.C. Scrips. Seven prescriptions to cure what ails our leaders.
The Dick Principle. Harold J. Dick. Understanding the hell of daily life in the dot-coms.
DO NOT Spread This Rumor. Ora Shay, our token Republican, tries to stop the spread of a vicious rumor about George W. Bush.
Dubya and the Dow. What our crystal ball says about the future of the market.
Dubya Does Dallas. Token Republican Oray Shay's suggestions for the 2004 campaign.
Dubya Gets His Wish. Joel Fluker. Pres. Bush betows medal on his teenage idol.
Dubya Makes a New Friend. We haven't heard the last of Monika. (In The Chiliastic Hideon)
EYEmageS. Isometrics for the retina.
Family Matters. Ora Shay, token Republican, on Bush-family values.
Famous All Authors Best Seller Quick Publishing School.
Fart Loud & Proud. Doc Cuddy. Thoughts, not all in the best of taste, on life under Bush II.
Fear and Loathing in the 21st Century. Self-tests to help you know your fears
Fixing the Pax Americana. Doc Cuddy has a few suggestions for world peace under American hegemony.
Freudian Symbols for the 3rd Millennium. Harriet Lobdell's radical new take on dream images.
GECW vs. GICW. A worksheet to determine your true net worth.
Galactic Grade Report. John Mimbres. Report card for a small planet.
Genesis Revisited. Pudge Dimmitt offers and alternate reading of the first chapter.
Genuflection Now! Our modest but patriotic homage to the leaders of the New American Empire.
George W. Bush's New Improved Science. We filch another secret memo from the White House...
The George W. Bush Presidential Library and Imperial Trinket Repository: Design AND location revealed!
Gigantic Magellan's Log Poli-Sci Contest!
GWB's Top Secret 2004 To-do List.
The Heartbreak of Acute Chronological Displacement Syndrome. Astraeu Chakar gets to the bottom of your discontent.
Here Come Da Inquisition... Again. Maurice Fitznuggly. The Thought Police are back.
How Bigz Ur Booty? Our modest suggested expansion of methods of measurement.
How Capitalistic Is Your Religion? Doc Cuddy. A handy little satirical quiz.
How Long Is It Anyway? Piongo Pisgah's paradigm-breaking formula for calculating the length of you-know-what before you commit yourself.
How to Make Soccer Really Popular on American TV. Don Pfingston. With photos.
How 21st Century Are You? Maurice Fitznuggly's checklist for the cyber-insecure.
Howz Ur D.I.Q? Jerden Purmort's guide to intelligence in the new American age.
Howz Ur FQ? Ceci Lumley. Check the condition of your Fetish Quotient.
Imperial I.D. Card. Our own modest proposal in the War on Terrorism.
Imperialists! Tyrants! Dictators! Theocrats! U Rate 'Em. Jason Twinhaft.
Imperial Verities. Anna-Marie Quave. Rules for getting on successfully in the new world order.
The Importance of Being Professional. Katherine Ozanic. Another of our free self-help tests to improve your 21st century life..
Importation Intent. Nfubi Kwaadutu. The latest, scandalous news from Central Africa.
In Search of the Great American Haiku. Jerden Purmort.
Is It Empire Yet? Doc Cuddy measures America against ancient Rome, with patriotic result.
Islands of Quality. Maurice Fitznuggly. The good, the less good, and the lousy.
Is Masturbation a Crime Against God? The first draft of a Christian advice-giver's thoughts on self-abuse.
I Spy. Joel Fluker. What the Galactic Federation thinks about us.
Is Your Nation's Leader an Extra-terrestrial in Disguise? Maurice Fitznuggly.
IYOOB. Our proposed new, patriotic calendar for dating world history.
Just Say No to Tasteless Dubya Jokes! Ora Shay. Our token Republican's second column.
Last Things. A little quiz to help you get through these difficult "End Times."
Lawyer Jokes.
Leadership Then and Now. Washington Correspondent Joel Fluker puts the current batch of American leaders in historical perspective.
"The Little King, An American Fairy Tale," by Henry Bob Kulup. Read it and weep.
LTTE Template. A ready-made, easy-to-use letter to the editor.
The Magellan's Log Cyber-Humours Test. How do you fit in the Brave New Digital World?
M.A.D. (Millennial Affective Disorder). Robert L. Tufford. A little diagnostic test.
The Madness of King George: Folie à deux cents millions. Doc Cuddy does a psychiatric work-up on a certain prominent individual.
The Magellan's Log All-time Feel-good Fun-o-matic Rapture Quiz.
The Magellan's Log Complete & True Timeline of Critical Landmarks & Essential Dates in Human History, Including Several Things Your Eighth Grade Teacher Never Mentioned.
The Magellan's Log Cyber-Humours Test. How do you fit in the Brave New Digital World?
The Magellan’s Log Investigative To-do List for FBI Agents Wondering Where to Look Next.
MLMPI. The Magellan's Log Multi-phasic Personality Inventory Test.
The Magellan's Log Presidential I.Q. Test.
The Magellan's Log Reality-perception Test (MLRT). 20 questions to help you decide if you're in tune with the new reality.
The Magellan's Log Rent-a-UFO Club [in The Chiliastic Hideon].
The Magellan's Log Short Supplement to Roget's Thesaurus of the English Language.
The Magellan's Log Universal Prayer. Just fill in the blanks to use with any religion.
The Magellan's Log Unofficial Operation TIPS Checklist. Now you too can squeal on your neighbor.
M.A.T. Test. Millennial culture quiz in the form of an S.A.T. parody.
Memo. An alleged top-secret note from "ObL" to his global operatives.
Microsoft Tribute.
Midland's Own Boy George. Ora Shay. Words of praise for Dubya in time of war.
Millennial Culture-at-a-Glance. Our helpful guide.
Mind Check. Have your perceputal abilities been damaged by government propaganda?
Misadventures in English: No. 1 in a Series. An ESL student wrestles with a word.
Misothamnisty! Our diagnostic quiz to help you cope with George II.
The New Millennium Inkblot Test.
A Modest Solution. Douglas Milburn. The Magellan's Log plan for fixing Iraq.
Mojo for the Modern Age. Edward Hothi discovers the source of Bush-power.
The New Revised Ten Commandments. The Big Guy in the Sky speaks directly to Karl Rove.
The Office of Linguistic Purity. The administration's proposal to purify The American Language.
The Official Magellan's Log 2005-2009 Survival Checklist. What to do if he wins a second terms.
The Official, Scientific Magellan’s Log Early-days Poll of Attitudes Among Citizens of the American Empire.
Oligarchy Now! Lulu Dilworth's checklist to get you in tune with the new times.
One Lap Around Houston or Bust! Douglas Milburn. The title says it all.
Ora Does New York! Ora Shay, our token Republican, on her experiences at the 2004 Republican Convention.
Ora Shay's Fan Mail. Our Token Republican columnist gets letters.
Ora Shay's Sure-fire Headache Remedy. Our token Republican's 13th column is devoted to a defense of her all-time favorite president.
Pagans Attack Our President. Token Republican Ora Shay's 12th column...
Panama Report. Ginkgo Balboa, our man in the Canal Zone, in epistolary exchanges with our editor.
Partsalot. Jerden Purmort, trying to understand the coming plutocracy, analyzes Republican hair.
The P.A.T. (Presidential Aptitude Test). In The Chiliastic Hideon.
Phalloi & Vulvae. Sophomoric images will out. Slideshow with midi (2:08).
pH for the Value-free New Millennium. Henry Bob Kulup. Test your own millennial values.
Pro Bons Mots. Elinor Hoefs. Social first aid for the prematurely wealthy.
Propitiation for Beginners. Katherine Ozanic summarizes ancient guidelines for getting help from the gods.
Psychic Help. Mme. Petrofina-Blavatksy answers your questions.
P.T.B.D. The Post-Traumatic Bush Disorder, our proposed modest addendum to the DSM catalog of mental problems.
Qar Quiz. Questions they never ask on the driver's license test.
The Quantum Effect in Daily Life. Cutting-edge physics applied to life's little problems.
The R.A.T. (Reincarnation Aptitude Test). R U Ready for your next life???
Re: Cage. The Critic Responds. Morton Bernheimer on Magellan's Log vs. John Cage
Repub Braintrust Memo Intercepted!
Re-starting the Third Millennium: A Petition to Save the Planet Earth.
Right Words: A Checklist for Conservative Readers. Jerden Purmort.
Rude Republicans? Oh my! Rightist rep Ora Shay defends her (and our) leaders, again.
Rule, America! Our modest suggestion for the new international American anthem. (Page with music.)
S.A.A.F.J: A Tale of Henry Kissinger and My Favorite Fly Swatter. Ora Shay.
S.A.T. Supplementary Questions for the Reality-challenged. Harriet Lobdell.
SCOOP! Capitalism Does Have a Heart! The silver lining in the Enron collapse.
Scoop! World's first photos of new U.S. Ambassador's residence in Chad.
Separated at Birth? Our solution, with visual proof, to the problem of the origins of the bizarre behavior of current American leaders.
Shining a Light into the Darkness. Sylvia Thodhiss. Generate predictions for (y)our future.
Skiatatuk Speaks Again! No 10,450 in our on-going messages from other planes.
Skiatatuk Speaks: Communiqué No. 364,913. Our foul-mouthed spirit guide returns.
Slosh! Hormones and History. P.F. Brumbeloe, Jr., M.D.
Smitings: A Divine Checklist. Ever wondered how the deity decides where (and whom) to strike next?
Snob Test. Robert Lonke. Rate your own scramble for status.
A Song of War. The Iraqi war song, with inspired lyrics by John Robbins.
So You Want to Be a Real American. A handy little check-up quiz for those who want to join us here in the richest, most powerful empire in the history of the world.
Spare Change. Joel Fluker. A congressional shopping list for any billions left over after the bailouts.
Springtime in America! Token Republican Ora Shay's 16th column, and it is, as she might say, a sidewinder.
Structural Rationalism in the Works of Mann and Joyce. Y. John Long and Paul E.V. Werther.
S.U.V. Driving Test. Pedkop Bumbera.
Ta-ta, La-la Land! Ora Shay, Token Republican, has at California.
T.B.+P.K.=2004! Our proposal for the ideal running mates in the 2004 presidential election.
Test Your Imperial Subjectship. Jerden Purmort. Are you going to be a good member of the New World Order?
Texas Atonement. Jerden Purmort suggests an act of contrition for the two Bush regimes.
Texas Karma. Doc Cuddy. A couple of visual aids to clarify where things stand metaphysically in the old Lone Star State.
Texas Tao: The Wit and Wisdom of the Interstates. Hardy Metcalf, Ph.D.
Thanks a Lot, Dubya! Ora Shay. Our token Republican columnist is so grateful.
Tidying Up America: The Secret Republican Budget Plan for the Next 4 Years.
Time Travel! Read shocking fragments from a 42nd-century encyclopedia.
Tips on Empire-building: Learning from the Brits.
2028 and All That. A calendar celebrating the 25th anniversary of the American Empire.
2/29: Remembrance of Time Lost, or, What Price Capitalism.
The U.S. of E. An uplifting secret memo from the desk of Donald Rumsfeld.
Victory in Iraq Day! Jerden Purmort and Douglas Huang celebrate.
Westward Ho! Bloce Kaibab. Our pocket guide to America for international travelers.
What Next? Our visual (and aural) aid for deciding which direction expansion of the empire should take now.
What's Wrong with This Picture? An exercize to test your "imperial citizenship readiness."
Why Dubya Can't Lose. Ora Shay.
Windows: The Hidden Features. What you paid for but'll never see.
Winstat. Rean Rhyne. Our statistical tribute to Microsoft innovation.
"W.W.D.D." Our latest bumper sticker, which stands for "What Would Dubya Do?"
Yes, We Have No IPO's. Jerden Purmort. RU ready for the coming economic readjustment?
Yoicks R Us. Jerden Purmort helps you test your pre-Rapture sense of humor.
You Are What You See. Nicholas Momurray. Interpreting your environment.

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