Magellan's
Log
HUMOR INDEX
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Absolute Quarantine. Denise Hawkins. UFO
visitors find hope in human violence.
After the Fall. Jerden
Purmort's 20 modest suggestions to help survivors of the coming apocalypse create a better
world.
A.I.L: The Anti-Irascibility
League of America. Reppy Toppenish. Help for what AILs you.
All-Country Test-Your-Leader’s-Sanity
Diagnostic Quiz.
Apocalypse When? A checklist
for the equity-challenged.
Arabic Humor. Jokes and political
cartoons.
Are You a Curmudgeon? Harriet
Lobdell. A checkup quiz for the socially maladjusted.
Are You a 21st Century Person? Find out
whether you're living in the past.
Are You an Internet Sex Addict?
Joel Fluker.
Asian Stereotypes. Public-domain humor
from the newsgroups.
Ask the Medium. Our very own in-house ectoplasm talks to readers.
Back to the Present. Elinor Hoefs. Fragments
from a 42nd-century encyclopedia.
Best Bumper Sticker of 2005.
Bibliotherapy, Cinetherapy, Cybertherapy. Books
& movies that make us laugh.
Big George! Token Republican Ora
Shay reveals George W. Bush's hometown's plans for a monument.
The Book of the Gnu. Scott
McComb. Out with the old, in with the gnu!
BTV. Pedro Bofecillos. A revisionist view of
historical chronology.
Bumpersticker. Our very own
Do-It-Yourself bumpersticker for all agnostics-in-training.
The Bush-Baker Survival Kit.
Essential gadgets for the socially engaged.
Capitalist
Checklist. Rate your capitalist tendencies.
The Chad Report. Central listing of Nfubi
Kwaadutu's essential dispatches from Chad.
Chinese Fortune Cookies:
The Updated Version.
La comédie humaine, Chap.
108,732. 25 images. C'est à rire.
CPD and the Heartbreak of
Overprinting. Test yourself for incipient CPD.
Cross-stitch Prayers for the 3rd Millennium.
Culture Wars.
Scott McComb. Our little survival guide.
Cyber-haiku. Painful laughs for the
computer-challenged.
Dark Canon. Jerden Purmort uses a trick of
astrophysics to find hope, sort of.
Descartes enters the Information
Age. Your existence validated, free of charge.
Do You Glow in the Dark? Jerden Purmort's
helpful checklist to enable you to determine just how close to the edge you're living.
The Dick Principle. Harold J. Dick.
Understanding the hell of daily life in the dot-coms.
DO
NOT Spread This Rumor. Ora Shay, our token Republican, tries to stop the spread of a
vicious rumor about George W. Bush.
Do’s and
Don’t’s. Understanding the new rules of freedom of expression in
21st-century America.
Dubya
and the Dow. What our crystal ball says about the future of the market.
Duke Cute! Maybe the four
funniest music videos in the history of the world.
Eye Chortles. 11 funny
pictures that are just a wee bit tasteless.
Fear and Loathing in the 21st Century.
Self-tests to help you know your fears
Florida Bumperstickers.
Funny Stuff. Without words.
Galactic Grade
Report. John Mimbres. Report card for a small planet.
A Garden of Millennial Visual
Delights. 10 photos for your retinal delectation.
Home Sweet Home. Ora Shay, our
token Republican, on the restoration of the George W. Bush boyhood home in Midland, Texas.
Howlers High & Low. Nicholas Momurray. Slips
of the keyboard we shall always have with us.
How Will We Know When the Millennium Has
REALLY Arrived? Anther Varrick Ticklaw.
Huang's Law. Douglas
Huang. At last, the truth about the Information Age, in one sentence.
The Human Comedy:
Chapters 184,532-184,551. 20 photos, some possibly offensive.
The Importance of Being Professional.
Katherine Ozanic. Another of our free self-help tests to improve your 21st century life..
Inaner and Inaner: Pick Your Favorite Dufus.
Morsels of human wisdom, then and now, for you to rate.
In Search of the Great American Haiku.
Jerden Purmort.
Islands of Quality.
Maurice Fitznuggly. The good, the less good, and the lousy.
It Only Stops Hurting When I Laugh. 13
funny images from the farther reaches of the Internet.
Jokes. Every issue contains a page of utterly tasteless jokes.
Just Say No to Tasteless Dubya Jokes! Ora
Shay. Our token Republican's second column.
Lachen und Weinen
(Laughing and Crying). German humor on the Internet.
Laws of the Universe (Updated
for the New Millennium). Jerden Purmort.
Lawyer Jokes.
LTTE Template. A ready-made, easy-to-use
letter to the editor.
M.A.D. (Millennial Affective Disorder).
Robert L. Tufford. A little diagnostic test.
The Magellan's Log Complete &
True Timeline of Critical Landmarks & Essential Dates in Human History, Including
Several Things Your Eighth Grade Teacher Never Mentioned.
Limericks. Perhaps the world's
greatest small collection of off-color five-liners.
Lingams & Yonis. Authentic sex advice
from the Sub-continent.
The Magellan's Log Cyber-Delphic Oracle
and Feel-good Machine.
The Magellan's Log Delphic
Cyber-oracle. A free public service of this publication.
The Magellan's Log Reality-perception Test (MLRT).
20 questions to help you decide if you're in tune with the new reality.
Marijuana Use in the United States. The
official map, and our corrected map.
Matched Pairs. 8 sets of visual gags
gathered from the Internet.
M.A.T. Test. Millennial culture quiz in
the form of an S.A.T. parody.
Microsoft Tribute.
Misadventures in English: No. 1 in
a Series. An ESL student wrestles with a word.
Mme Anna-Magdalena Petrofina-Blavatksy,
staff psychic, makes her third appearance.
More Bumperstickers.
More and More Bumperstickers.
The staff's latest haul of timeless automotive thoughts.
Musician Jokes. The absolute worst
music humor we could find on the Internet.
The New Millennium
Inkblot Test.
Noblesse Oblige in the Permian Basin.
Ora Shay on Bush vs. the media barbarians.
A Normal Person Wouldn't Steal Pituitaries.
Hong Kong movies subtitles revisited.
Offensive Material.
Puns to make you wish you hadn't gotten up today.
Oil Patch Sage. Midland
correspondent Ora Shay's latest praise for George W. Bush.
Oligarchy Now! Lulu
Dilworth's checklist to get you in tune with the new times.
One Lap Around Houston or Bust!
Douglas Milburn. The title says it all.
An Open Letter to Saddam Hussein.
Ora Shay, our token Republican, tries to help the Iraqi leader out of a tight spot.
The Oracle of Tierra del Fuego.
Ora Shay's Fan Mail. Our Token Republican
columnist gets letters.
Panama Report. Ginkgo Balboa, our man in the Canal
Zone, in epistolary exchanges with our editor.
Penises on Parade. The staff passes
on its trove of tasteless "phallic-humor" photos from the Internet. Sigh.
Penises on Parade,
Part the Second. 20 more photos of phallic humor.
Phalloi & Vulvae. Sophomoric
images will out. Slideshow with midi (2:08).
PIK-chur.com. What if in the past there'd
been a site that was for painting what Flickr is for photography...
Potholes of Prose. Jerden
Purmort's dandy little collection of metaphorical misdemeanors.
Problems in Modern
Living. 25 photos (some nudity). In The
Chiliastic Hideon.
Problems in Modern Living: Nos.
692,412-692,447. 36 photos from the Internet to help you keep up with the collapse of
civilization as we know it.
Problems in Modern
Living: The Non-utopian Evidence. 42 photos that suggest things are not going
swimmingly, life-wise.
Problems in
Modern Signage: Nos. 497,512-497,575. 64 pix.
Problems
in Modern Transportation. 11 photos.
Problems in Modern Transportation:
The Sequel. Photos.
Problems of Modern
Sexuality. 24 photos indicating that erectile dysfunction may be the least of our
sexual problems.
Problems,
Problems, Problems. 39 photos to induce laughter (or tears).
Pro
Bons Mots. Elinor Hoefs. Social first aid for the prematurely wealthy.
Psychic Help. Mme. Petrofina-Blavatksy answers
your questions.
The Quantum Effect in Daily Life.
Cutting-edge physics applied to life's little problems.
The Randys. Our annual awards for the best
explicit sex photographs on the Internet.
Reader Queries. Problems some of our global
readers want us to solve for them.
Right Words: A Checklist for Conservative
Readers. Jerden Purmort.
Rules of Human
Cultural History. A photograph. Of a wall. With words.
The Secret Republican Plan for the
2004 Election.
Separated at Birth? Our solution, with
visual proof, to the problem of the origins of the bizarre behavior of current American
leaders.
Serious Visual Denial. Humor editor Jerden Purmort
has collected 25 more funny pictures to help you avoid facing reality.
SEX MADE SIMPLE: The
Magellan's Log Guide to Guilt-free Polymorphous Virtuosity
by Maurice Fitznuggly.
Sex Trivia. How low will we sink to
increase readership?
Ship
of Fools. 1) The funniest, and 2) the most offensive religious jokes as voted by the
readers of "The Magazine of Christian Unrest."
Silver Linings for America. Ora Shay,
token Republican, looks on the bright side.
Skiatatuk Speaks Again! No
10,450 in our on-going messages from other planes.
Skiatatuk Speaks: Communiqué
No 18,372. Another foul-mouthed message from Beyond.
Skiatatuk Speaks Again, No. 27,103.
More communications from our foul-mouthed spirit guide.
Smitings: A Divine Checklist. Ever
wondered how the deity decides where (and whom) to strike next?
Snob Test. Robert Lonke. Rate
your own scramble for status.
The
Solution. To everything. Found on the streets of Bratislava.
Speechless in the
3rd Millennium. A (mostly) humorous graphic oasis in the word-desert.
Super-insanities. The staff's
latest pick of crazy (and possibly offensive) photos from the Internet.
S.U.V. Driving Test. Pedkop
Bumbera.
Tasteless Jokes 80.
Tasteless Jokes 98.
Tasteless Jokes 102.
Tasteless Jokes
110.
Ten Things We Wish We'd
Thought of First.
Ten Tips for
Tumultuous Times. Our token Republican, Ora Shay, offers life-guidance.
Test Your Rose-colored
Spectacles. Pedro Bofecillos. A quiz to check your ability to guess the future
realistically.
Texanization. A quiz to help you find your
place in the modern Texo-centric world.
Texas Atonement. Jerden Purmort suggests
an act of contrition for the two Bush regimes.
The Texas Problem and What to Do About
It. The staff of Magellan's Log comes up with the answers.
Texas Tao: The Wit and
Wisdom of the Interstates. Hardy Metcalf, Ph.D.
Tidying Up America: The Secret
Republican Budget Plan for the Next 4 Years.
Time-distortion Alert!
Jerden Purmort. The Republican plot to take over the universe.
Time Travel! Read
shocking fragments from a 42nd-century encyclopedia.
21st Century Sexuality: An Informal Update. 36 photos that show how things
are hanging these days.
2001 &
the Murk Ahead. Mme. Anna-Magdalena Petrofina-Blavatsky.
Westward Ho! Bloce Kaibab. Our pocket guide
to America for international travelers.
Whatever Happened to the New
Millennium Anyway? A handy checklist.
What Is Texas Mysticism Anyway? Doc Cuddy
explains it all. Well, almost.
What, Me Repressed? The Magellan's Log
Test of Reality-denial.
Where the Universe Ends! Startling
photographic proof of the place where existence stops.
Why There Is an Angel on Top of the Christmas Tree.
Windows: The Hidden
Features. What you paid for but'll never see.
Winstat. Rean Rhyne. Our statistical tribute to
Microsoft innovation.
Words to the Unwise. Malapropisms
of international English.
Writing
Funny About Cars. In Praise of
Tom McCahill, John Phillips, and Jeremy Clarkson (Among Others).
Pedkop Bumbera.
"W.W.D.D." Our latest bumper sticker,
which stands for "What Would Dubya Do?"
You Are What You See. Nicholas
Momurray. Interpreting your environment.
