Nfubi's Nfan Mail
You too can share your thoughts with our indefatigable
correspondent in Chad. Click here to
compose a message
for Nfubi Kwaadutu.
Dear Mr. Kwaadutu,
[Re Chad Report No. 8] First, the
FedEx™ logo is made of variations on the font face of "Futura."
Second, Haaricots-Verts? What, some Belgian got his Flemish mixed with his French and
added the second A for variety?
Grant Barrett, New York City
Nfubi replies:
You are absolutely correct, perceptive reader. The question then arises: which of the
many variations of Futura is the one used by FedEx™? Is Helvetica not the most common
and popular and ubiquitous and commercially sucessful variation on the Futura typeface? Is
FedEx™ not the most common and popular and ubiquitous and commercially sucessful of
the premium-priced overnight courier services? Is this combination of typeface and
business organization not a marriage made in heaven?
Since our impoverished but proud little nation was once a
French colony, and since French and Arabic are our two official languages, we Chads are
highly sensitive to proper use of our European mother tongue. Conversely, we are also most
respectful of our Arabic linguistic heritage, and therefore have doubled the
"a", in "haricots", similaar to what our Tanzanian neigbours have done
in the case of their capitaal, Dar es Salaam, and what my revered aancestors did in
devising our surname Kwaadutu.
I find your reference to Belgians a bit disconcerting. As you know,
Chad's almost-neighbour, the Congo Republic, was once a Belgian colony, and its esteemed
leader Laurent Kabila was assassinated less than a month ago. Certain malicious parties
have been speading the slanderous and seditious rumour that Kathryn Harris was somehow
involved in this heinous activity, and I hope that your mention of Belgium is not meant as
a veiled reference to this unfortunate incident, for which she has an airtight alibi.
Your Faithful Scribe,
Nfubi Kwaadutu
Dear Mr. Kwaadutu,
U.S. news reports have it that Ms. Katherine Harris is considering running for U.S.
Congress from Sarasota, Florida. Can she do that while still doing her ambassadorial gig
in Chad? If she has to return to the U.S., what effect will that departure have on your
valiant yet arid little nation, not to mention your own psyche? And if she runs, does she
get to count the votes like she did so expertly in November?
Should she return to Florida, it will make my compatriots (i.e., the Panamanians) very
proud. Because there is a Panama City in Florida, we have always felt a strong bond with
The Sunshine State. In fact, Panama City Panama is the official Sister City to Panama City
Florida. This relationship predates even the famous St. Petersburg Florida - St.
Petersburg Russia sister-city arrangement.
Ginkgo Balboa, Foreign Correspondent
Panama City, Panama
P.S. -- Could you please ask your editor why he hasn't given me an
assignment in nearly a year? He never accepts my collect phone calls.
If you can talk him into calling me, I promise to FedEx™ you some of our surplus
water -- we front on two major oceans, you know.
The editor replies:
Gingko, Gingko! Good to hear from you! We've sent countless emails only to have them
bounce back as undeliverable. Could it be that Magellan's Log is on the banned
list of whichever group of capitalist toadies is running your charming little country now?
Have we poked so much fun at megacorps peddling megadeath via megapol mouthpieces that we
can no longer get through to you?
Aside to the reader: Gingko Balboa was our first, if short-lived, foreign correspondent,
long before Katherine Harris even knew what a "chad" was much less that it was
the country that would shape her (and our) destiny. You can find his
insightful reports on Central American realities, such as they are, here.
END
List
of All of Nfubi's Chad Reports
Back to Magellan's
Log 31
Magellan's Log
front page
Send this page to a friend.
|
